that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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