I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
