these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
And then he peed in my hair
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