I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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