got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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