Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
