He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
