Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
