Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
