Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
