i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
