i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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