I got chris browned last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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