dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
