And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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