it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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