Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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