he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
