sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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