you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
