Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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