she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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