"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
