Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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