Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
