There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
