Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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