Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The power of my boobs compel you
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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