I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
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