I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize