I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
