4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
