The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
