I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
