just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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