Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
