Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is classic penis vs brain.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize