I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Less talking, more tequila
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
