What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
