oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
