tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
