I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize