So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
