We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize