i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
