I'm jealous of your bromance
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
