This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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