I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
