The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
