She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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