I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
