The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
