something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
