u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Randomize