so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
