I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
