She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
