sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
