Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize