Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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