So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
