You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
