Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
