I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
