why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
