I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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