Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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