I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
