the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
