just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
