And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
