I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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