Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
