We named our party play list daddy issues
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
