we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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