Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
