I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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