I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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